What I need.....?

I just don’t know that what I am feeling right now but I am thinking that I should go out right now from my coolest green desk. My uncle had a serious accident yesterday in India and he was riding my motorbike. Bryan and I went to Edward’s to see a movie and we did parked in non-parking zone and I paid the half of towing-away fee. I felt very guilty I don’t know, I am feeling very uncomfortable. I really don’t know why! Something is bothering me. I want to do a real job what’s makes me happy: not these material gain. I want to do something that really gets appreciated. I want to see peoples’ faces around me those are happy and they are proud of myself.
I am feeling very disgusting, ashamed about one person who misunderstood me. I am ashamed about my anxiety, my impatience! Why the God has not given me the power of patience. Sometimes why I feel that I am getting what I am seeking, although everybody feels the same shit-thing. No one in this world is happy: the more he gets, the more he wants! I want to get rid of these. Please God (I believe, you are one) show me the meaning of my craziness...!